Jack the Stripper
by Sparrow's Sexy Bitches
Summary: Two girls, struggling with life, need to get out. They go to a stripper bar, and find none other than Captain Jack Sparrow working there. Is that savvyable?


Disclaimer: We do not own anything from Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. If we did, we'd clone Jack so we wouldn't have to share him with anyone. 

Author's Note: We're not usually this insane. Well, maybe Erica, but definitely not Katie. Please take no offense; just enjoy the act of Jack stripping, savvy?

--

California wasn't as hot as Texas, so the two decided to stay there. It didn't really matter, being eighteen; they could do whatever they wanted. So as Erica and Katie sat in the living room of their newly acquired apartment, they came to realize that California was not all it was cracked up to be. They were bored out of their minds, and fed up with all the surfer boys that kept calling them "dudettes" and playing with their long hair. And Katie was getting fed up with Erica, because Erica repeatedly drank every type of alcohol, while Katie worked and couldn't drink as much.

Erica sauntered across the living room with a scotch bottle in hand. "Hey, I've lost my sock again and why isn't my baby gaining weight?" said Erica holding a plastic baby.  

Katie, who was studying, couldn't take this anymore. "That's it! I have to get out of here, or I'll hit something! Don't think I won't!" Katie's head exploded and candy shoot out of it... Katie woke up suddenly.

She growled and rolled over to get out of bed, and accidentally did it too forcefully and hit the ground. "Damn that floor!" she screamed and went to the kitchen to see Erica playing with the alcohol. "Erica! I'll have your guts for garters, girl!" 

Erica burped and held up her cup, throwing an empty rum bottle into the trash. "Look! I made a savvy!"

Katie growled once more and walked over to Erica, grabbing her ear. "Let me make one thing perfectly clear! I haven't seen Pirates of the Caribbean in a week; I haven't been able to smoke any of the reefer that I got from Dylan, and you are drunk off your ass every damn day. How I envy you!" She slapped her head and then shouted in Erica's face, "WE'RE GOING OUT TO A CLUB! I need to see a naked man again." With that, she walked to her room to grab her purse. 

Erica sat there and took a sip of scotch. "Hey, ey, you want a piece of me? Come and get it, you big bologna, you make me sick." Erica passed out onto the new rug. 

Katie walked back into the living room and rolled her eyes. "Drunken slurs…" She walked over to Erica and pulled her up, and shook her, holding onto her upper arms. "Wake up, you piece of shit! We have to get going! Don't you want to see naked guys and drink a couple savvies?"

"Whoa, whoa. I'm sorry. I fell over. This rug is really slippery. Hey, listen to me," Erica drawled out putting her arm around Katie, "Life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread ya got, the less shit ya gotta eat."

Katie snorted and pushed Erica away. "And you know, there are many fish in the sea, but the sea is polluted. So since we're not going to find decent men anyway, let's just go to the strip club. There are some fine men there! So are you driving?"

Erica took another swig. "I happen to be a great driver. Get in! Het ho!"  Erica grabbed the keys as Katie followed behind.  They jumped into a car and Erica started the ignition and slowly began pulling out the driveway, hitting two trashcans, the next-door neighbor's dog, and fell asleep by the time she reached the street.

Katie screamed like a banshee and held onto the handle right inside the door. She glared over at the sleeping Erica, and rammed her foot over to the brake petal. She slapped Erica and quickly ran over to the other side of the car, pushed Erica over to the passenger seat, buckled Erica and herself in, and then hit the gas petal. Unfortunately she was not paying attention, and hit three surfer men.

"GET OUT OF THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET, A-HOLES!" she yelled at them, even though she was inside the car. She looked around and saw a "Watch for pedestrians" sign and shrugged. "Go figure!" she mumbled, and hit the gas again, only to hit the brake and swerve into a parking spot on the street, right in front of a strip bar called, "Man Factory."

"Erica! Wake up, you drunken buffoon!" she slapped Erica a couple of times to jolt her a little bit. 

"Officer, it's not even my car..." Erica woke up and looked around. "Hey Katie! I like you, I don't know why, but I like you."  She patted Katie's face.  "Whoa, the lights around her are so vivid!"  She heard the music coming from the bar. "Man, this b is slappin' yo."

Katie shook her head. "Aw, hell no! Get inside that bar!" She pushed Erica towards the entrance, and when they were in, towards the counter where a lovely young man was serving drinks.

"Two savvies please, and don't give us the cheap crap." Katie pointed to Erica. "She hates the cheap crap, and she bites and stabs out eyeballs if it's not the way she wants it!"

Erica was staring at her hands, and then looked over at Katie who was pointing at her and then looked at the bartender and started biting the air. "It's not the only thing I bite off," she looked down at the bartender.  The bartender poured the drinks and gave them to Katie and Erica.  Erica gave him a stern looked and sniffed the drink.  She raised her eyebrow and sipped it.  She nodded at Katie and looked at the bartender. "You got lucky. I'll have three more. What do you want Katie?"

Katie shrugged. "I just want to see a man stripping."

The bartender laughed at that comment, and nodded towards the runway area. "Well, you can have plenty of that, little lady!" 

Katie gave a fake smile and pulled Erica over to the runway area. 

And then, out of the blue, a large body fell onto the two girls, making them crash to the ground with the strong body on top of them. 

Erica lifted her head up to see a man, in a black Speedo type outfit.  Erica looked up, "Thank you," she whispered. "Katie, you seeing this?"  

The shaggy haired man stirred and looked up at the girls and gave a golden-toothed grin.  "Hello, Luvs."  (Author's Note: God, if only that really happened.)

Katie's mouth fell open. "CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!" She clung to his now standing form, on her knees before him, and hugging him tightly around the waist. "It's you! It's really you! I've loved you since before I saw you on the big screen!" She grinned and stood up, just a few inches shorter than he. "But seriously, Mister Depp, what are you doing here? Does your significant other know you're here? She's so nice, sharing you with us!" 

Erica just grinned up at Captain Sparrow, drunkenly running her finger down his chest. "Love your Speedo!" She informed him, still grinning like a madwoman. 

Jack raised an eyebrow.  "Significant other? Johnny Depp, what are you talking about? All I know is, I got drunk and passed out and I woke up here, all by me onesies, savvy?" 

Erica looked Jack up and down. "Hey, I loved you in Gone With the Wind." Erica winked and slipped a twenty into his Speedo.

Katie growled and hit Erica in the head. "He wasn't in Gone With the Wind!" She turned hr adoring gaze to Jack. "So, Sweet Buns, you're a male stripper?" 

"Well, Luv, I'm not exactly a female!" Jack told her, and nodded at Erica, patting her on the shoulder gratefully. 

Katie giggled. "Well, Captain, I want you to strip. Believe me, I pay good!" 

Another man nodded on the runway. "Oh yes she does!" He winked and went back to his 'work.'

Jack nodded and climbed onto the runway. "This is what I do best!" He announced, and started doing a little dance.

"WOO HOO! OH YEAH!" Katie screamed, looking to Erica. "Let me borrow a fifty!" 

Erica shook her head. "Better yet, let's get some change. We can reach down into the Speedo!"

Erica went to a conveniently placed coin machine near the bar and got change for a fifty.  She threw some coins over her head and pretended she was taking a shower in them.  The song "Love to Love You Baby" by No Doubt begins to play and Erica is "showering" in slow motion. Katie comes in and pulls Erica away. "That's the third time this week!"  They grabbed some quarters and went to where Jack was dancing.  With a few quarters in hand they reached into his Speedo and placed the quarters in.  

Jack grinned and nodded, and bucked his hips a little bit, to which Erica and Katie nearly fainted and moved their hands around. 

"Hey! You two! You can't touch the dancers!" called the bartender, an angry look on his face. 

Katie pulled her hand out of Jack's Speedo and grabbed Erica's hand, and they stepped back. Jack looked disappointed, but kept dancing madly. Of course, Erica and Katie watched with great interest.

"Erica, I'm NEVER washing my hand again! That was… it was Heaven!" 

Erica pouted. "We didn't even get to see it!"

Jack heard this and grinned wider. "You want to see Li'l Jack, d'ye?!" 

Erica snorted. "Li'l Jack. I'm sure he isn't that Li'l if you know what I mean. Hey, hey Katie, do you know what I mean? Katie, you get it right, the little, oh I kill me." 

Katie rolled her eyes and looked over to Jack.  "Maybe just a little peak. You with me Erica?" She said looked over at Erica who was smelling her hand. 

"Hell yes! Is it just me, or is it hotter than hell in here?" Erica fanned herself with her free hand.

Katie looked disgusted. "Erica, you are one sick goober, you know that?"

Jack shimmied and hand his arms out. "Aye or nay to the goods?"

"AYE!" both of girls yelled, and waited excitedly for him to remove the Speedo.


End file.
